Game on...

Week Sixteen:Play Floor Hockey

I realize there are many people out there who will be shocked and even a bit offended that I have never played floor hockey. You can’t throw a rock in this city without hitting a guy that plays in some type of hockey league, or at least jumps into a pick up game on occasion. However, I haven’t played any form of hockey since I was probably twelve years old, getting knocked around by my older brothers and their friends playing in the street. Even when I was a bit older and they started playing floor hockey (when I could actually hold my own against them) I was too busy being punk rock to care about that kind of stuff.

Thankfully, I soon rediscovered my love of sports but by this time the opportunities to play hockey had dried up. I have a handful of friends that play on ice, but since I can barely skate and they take it a little too seriously I’m not about to step into that buzz saw. However, last Friday I received a text message from my friend Dan asking if I want to play floor hockey the following morning. Naturally, due to my complete lack of experience, my initial reaction was to decline his offer before thinking to myself, “Why not?” I love hockey, I’ve always wanted to play in a game situation and, as previously discussed, I’m always looking for new ways to stay active during the cold weather months (even though it was officially Spring by this time and actually a pretty nice day). It could be a real fun time.

However, despite all of these convincing arguments in favor of playing, I still had that lingering voice in my head telling me not to bother. I know you’re all familiar with this inner demon we’re forced to grapple on a regular basis - telling me I’ve never played before so I have no business playing now as I am unprepared, ill equipped and will likely end up making a fool of myself. Besides, waking up to play would disrupt my usual Saturday morning routine of eating breakfast and watching TV until I decide to take a shower. So why bother, right?

That’s when I decided to apply the philosophy of 52to30. Far too many times in my life, I’ve used the fear of an unfamiliar situation to talk myself out of trying new experiences or taking certain chances. Therefore, no matter how intimidating or overwhelming it may seem, if I have a genuine interest in trying something new, I’m going to jump right in. That’s why so many of these entries contain some variation of the phrase “I’ve always wanted to…” It bears repeating after all, this entire adventure isn’t just about doing fifty-two things I’ve never done before; it’s about taking those chances and learning how to say yes to all the things I want to try. I’m not just marking off a checklist until a deadline here; I’m forming new habits for a more fulfilling life.

Hence, inspired by this empowering train of thought, I agreed to join Dan on this adventure. So when I got out of work Friday afternoon, I stopped by my local sporting goods store to buy a stick - no longer was I ill equipped. I’ve wanted to buy my own stick for a while since I’m the only person I know that shoots left (despite being right-handed) and I like shooting around with my little nephew Sean who now loves hockey. This just gave me an excuse to do so. Also, because my budding hockey career is recreational at best, I settled on the $20 stick as opposed to the two hundred dollar and up models. Unless the NHL starts calling I see no need to make that kind of investment.

I showed up to Dan’s house a little after 9 o’clock Saturday morning with my new stick, a bag full of gym clothes and a healthy dose of nervous excitement. Also joining us this morning were Dan’s friends Munchie (nickname) and Igor (real name) as we made the twenty-minute drive out to Clarence, where we would be playing in the gymnasium of a large church. The four of us were the first to arrive but more people soon trickled in as we changed and stretched in preparation of the game. The nets were then set up at opposite ends of the basketball court and I took my first few shots, quickly realizing it’s not as easy as I thought. Even in my imagination I’m not Alexander Ovechkin but I can at least put the puck on the net.

Once all the players arrived, there were about 15 altogether ranging from older guys in their late 40s and early 50s down to couple of kids in their mid teens and even one that was around ten. Teams were then decided by placing everyone’s sticks in the middle of the court and dividing them evenly into two groups. Each player finds their stick and is teamed up with the other players in the same pile. The two teams are then assigned to wear either black or white shirts to distinguish them from each other – four players per side plus goalies and two or three for each team as subs. With all the details settled, it was time to play.

I started off playing defense and got into the flow of the game pretty quickly. After a few trips up and down the court, however, I thought my heart was going to explode. I don’t consider myself to be in poor shape but there’s not much that can prepare you for the constant exertion involved in hockey – starting, stopping and changing directions in and out of a full sprint. It was exhausting but I was very thankful for the opportunity to take my turn on the sideline every few minutes.

I grew more comfortable as the game went on, connecting passes and even shooting a few pucks on net. I even started doing the things I’m always yelling at the Sabres to do when watching on TV, such as going to the front of the net when you’ve got the puck deep in the zone. Then, during one of these fore checks, I parked myself to the right of the net and as the puck shot across the crease I was there to bury it home. Now, I was able to restrain myself at the time but I’ll admit, I was totally stoked. I had just scored my first goal during my first real game of hockey. But as they always say, act like you’ve been there before, so after a few fist bumps it was back to the game.

A bit later, however, I found myself in a similar situation. I crashed the net during a scrum in the crease and saw the puck sitting just behind the goalie, totally unaware of its location. Reacting quickly, I reached out and stuffed it into the net for my second goal of the day. However, at the risk of sounding selfish, I must admit our team was getting crushed. Even despite my offensive explosion we were never within two goals and the final score was something like 13-7. And while I know you’re not supposed to enjoy personal accomplishments if your team loses, I felt pretty good about myself.

At the end of the game I was tired and sore but overall satisfied with my performance. As previously stated, I know I’m not All-Star material but I’d say I serve well as a pretty solid role player. A gritty, third line forward that racks up decent points through tenacity, size and knowledge of the game. Maybe I’m getting ahead of myself but you can’t stop a boy from dreaming. And if I ever learn to skate as well as I walk I might just have a future. Until then, however, I’ll enjoy my time on the court.

POP CULTURE UPDATE

Listening to: I Tunes on Shuffle - Currently "Jesus, Etc." by Wilco
Reading: Redemption Song: The Ballad of Joe Strummer
Recently Watched: The Godfather II

I love a parade...

Week Fifteen:Old First Ward Parade

As many of you are already aware, St. Patrick’s Day is a roundly celebrated holiday here in Buffalo. Also, growing up in an Irish family and just two blocks from South Buffalo, the city’s most ethnically Irish neighborhood, it’s a day that has always held a special place in my heart. However, since I’ve never been a big drinker and I’m certainly not a very religious person, it was always just an excuse to stick my chest out, wear green and eat my mother’s delicious corned beef and cabbage. Don’t get me wrong - I do enjoy having a few pints Guinness with my friends and family in honor of the patron saint of the emerald isle, but I’m not about to drink myself into a stupor just because there is a cultural excuse to do so. Which brings me to this week’s new experience in Fifty-two to Thirty: attend the Old First Ward Parade.

The city of Buffalo actually has two St. Patrick’s Day parades. The downtown parade, the larger of the two, takes place on the Sunday closest to St. Patrick’s day and is tremendously popular among the party crowd, especially since it passes by Buffalo’s main bar district, Chippewa Street. I’ve only attended this parade a few times in my life and, caught up in the atmosphere, I’ve watched very little of the parade itself. However, I’ve never considered making this experience a tradition since I find that sort of public debauchery to be obnoxious and terribly annoying.

The other parade, meanwhile, is held in South Buffalo’s “Old First Ward,” a rather run down and industrial neighborhood originally inhabited by the city’s earliest Irish settlers in the late 19^th and early 20^th century. Taking place on Saturday of the same weekend, it’s a little smaller and much more friendly than its downtown counterpart. Although I’ve never actually attended this parade I always had the feeling that, as a proud Irishman, I had a responsibility to see what it was all about.

Similarly, on a recent St. Patrick’s Day, I went down to Chippewa with some friends. Quickly realizing it wasn’t any different than your average Saturday night in those terrible bars, I left to meet up with my brethren in South Buffalo to celebrate appropriately. Life is all about learning from your mistakes. Therefore, with a strong sense of Irish pride, I made a commitment to attend this year’s Old First Ward parade. Jackie agreed to join me on this adventure despite the fact that she’s not Irish, but I won’t hold that against her.

Navigating our way through the unfamiliar industrial wasteland of South Buffalo’s Old First Ward, Jackie and I parked the car and walked towards the parade. Although neither of us knew exactly where we were headed we just followed all the other people walking in the same direction. Seeing as there were dozens of them walking though this otherwise desolate stretch of factories dressed in varying absurd degrees of Irish regalia, this seemed like a safe assumption. Then, as we crossed a bridge spanning several lines of railroad tracks, Jackie and I emerged into a fun and lively atmosphere of bright colors, loud noises and smiling faces.

We settled into our spot at the corner of Smith and Elk streets where the parade route takes a left turn through the intersection. Having just missed a team of horses, we made it in time for a festively decorated fire truck surrounded by marching firemen tossing candy, beads and various other trinkets into the crowd. This trend continued through the duration of the parade as similar marchers passed by, in and around the many ornamental floats. My personal favorites among these were the two Ironworkers floats (one a mini suspension bridge, the other an elevated I-beam straddled by assorted joyous drunkards), the party pontoon on wheels and the train caboose painted like the Irish flag. Of course this float had an unfair advantage as it was sponsored by my cousin Bobby’s law firm, Kantor and Godwin.

Next came one of my favorite features of St. Patrick’s Day – the Irish step dancers. These girls marched up the streets in their colorful dresses, each tailed by a mountain of bouncing curls as they pranced around the corner. There were several of these dance troops scattered throughout the length of the parade and I’m not sure what it is, but watching these girls perform always brings a smile to my face.

However, as all of the vibrant displays and cheerful marchers passed before us, I waited patiently for my absolute favorite part of St. Patrick’s Day. After what seemed like far too long, I finally heard the marching drums that accompany the bagpipers – regally dressed and heading right towards us. I absolutely love the haunting tone of bagpipes and I had been looking forward to this performance for weeks. Despite my excitement, however, as they marched closer I couldn’t help but feel the urge to cry. Thankfully I was able to resist this urge and thoroughly enjoyed the experience. Bagpipes seriously rule.

The parade lasted about an hour on an unseasonably warm and sunny Saturday afternoon. It was a very fun and family-friendly experience that was best summed up by the little girl standing in front of us when she said, “This should happen everyday!” In fact, Jackie and I had so much fun at the First Ward parade we decided to check out the downtown parade the following afternoon.

Unfortunately, as we stepped into that atmosphere my previous apprehension was quickly realized. Surrounded by hordes of belligerent, drunken meatheads and equally infuriating, half-naked skanks, I felt tense and uneasy at the probability of being toppled into or barfed on. Now at the risk of sounding self-righteous or uptight I will refrain from lecturing against these amateur-hour hijinks. However, I think I can safely say I’ve made my final trip to the downtown parade. Thankfully, I didn’t let this experience ruin my St. Patrick’s Day.

In addition to the First Ward parade, we spent Saturday night at my favorite neighborhood pub (Potter’s Field) with a bunch of family and friends. The weekend was then capped off with a big family dinner of corned beef and cabbage at my parent’s house that was just as delicious as always. It’s not as popular as Christmas or Thanksgiving but St. Patrick’s Day is important to me in it’s own special way and I’m very happy that I now have another way to celebrate for years to come. Of course, I also like my friend Michael’s idea of swilling Jameson while throwing thrift store copies of James Joyce’s Ulysses at unsuspecting passersby. There’s always next year. Slainte!

POP CULTURE UPDATE

Listening to: Kings of Leon - Only by the Night (Fourth album finally lives up to the hype)
Reading: Redemption Song: The Ballad of Joe Strummer (This book is unbelievably dense)
Recently Watched: The Quiet Man (John Wayne classic. Very appropriate for the season)

Sweeping up the ice...

Week Fourteen:Curling

Living in Buffalo, our proximity to Canada exposes us to many aspects of Canadian culture of which the rest of the United States is only vaguely aware. My personal favorites among these imports include hockey, Tim Horton’s coffee and the Kids in the Hall (Many people around here also love the Tragically Hip, but they certainly don’t make my list). However, one of the more obscure Canadian traditions that has always interested me is the sport of curling. I’ve spent many boring weekend afternoons watching this fascinating sport, trying to understand the different rules and ambiguous scoring system, almost to the point of obsession. Therefore, when I started planning the concept of Fifty-two to Thirty, curling was one of the first activities I decided to include.

For those of you who are unfamiliar or completely unaware of this noble game, curling can best be described as shuffleboard on ice. However, such a drastic oversimplification does a great disservice to the sport. Likewise, if I went into great detail to explain all the rules and subtle nuances of curling I would end up with a rather lengthy dissertation. Therefore, I will try to sum it up as quickly and neatly as possible.

A curling match includes two teams of four squaring off on a long sheet of ice with a set of concentric circles at each end. Each player takes two turns sliding a granite curling stone towards the opposite end while their teammates attempt to adjust the speed and direction of the stone by “sweeping” the ice with curling brooms. Only the team with the stone closest to the center of the circles receives points each round and they earn one point for each stone between the center and the other team’s closest stone.

With a basic understanding of these fundamentals (thanks to Wikipedia) I started looking for the nearest curling rinks in the area to test my skills. The two closest options were both over the border in Ontario, Canada – the Welland Curling Club and the Niagara Falls Curling Club. Although both locations are approximately the same distance from Buffalo, I chose Niagara Falls because I’m more familiar with the city and figured it would be easier to find. I then called to reserve a sheet ice, which can be rented in two hour intervals, requiring a party of eight people at $15 a piece. Also, the only extra equipment needed for curling in addition to the two forms of I.D. required to cross the border, is a pair of sneakers with clean bottoms, so as not to harm the ice surface.

My next step was to determine who would join me on this adventure and, trust me, there was no shortage of eager participants. Obviously Jackie was the first choice followed by my brother Pat and his wife Carrie. Then I put the invite out to various other friends and family members and, after much shuffling and several cancellations, the party was rounded out with four of my closest friends: Terry, Ryan, Nick and Gene. Overall, a pretty solid crew.

Upon our arrival at the Niagara Falls Curling Club we were greeted by the only person in the facility at the time, an older gentleman named John. After introducing himself, John helped each of us apply tape to the bottom of our left shoes, transforming them into our “sliding” foot. The other foot, meanwhile, is used to keep traction on the ice so we can push ourselves in the direction or our sliding foot - thus producing a sideways gliding motion. Once we were all properly outfitted John took us ice level to review the basics of the game including how to properly shoot the stone - which requires pushing yourself out from track-and-field style starting blocks. After about fifteen minutes of Curling 101, John wished us luck and left us to our own devices.

Naturally we had decided our teams should be divided between family and friends, therefore it was Jackie, Pat, Carrie and myself against Terry, Ryan, Nick and Gene. “Team Godwin” took the yellow stones and “Team Friends” were left with the red stones. Also, the order of shooters is very important in curling as each one has a specific job with varying levels of importance. Ryan and I were elected “Skips” of our respective teams, so that determined we would shoot last each round. However, besides maintaining the shooting order, our main concern was learning how to play so we didn’t put too much importance on these roles (Terry, however, was determined to receive guidance from his Skip).

Finally, with instruction complete and all necessary logistics determined it was time to play. Ryan and I took our positions as Skips at the opposite end of the ice to direct our teammates and the stones started flying. At first, we had some difficulty as each stone either stalled out halfway to the target or smashed into the wall behind it. The process of simply releasing the stone was another early challenge as some people would lose their balance and tip over after letting go and Carrie even forgot to release it several times. However, Pat and myself were the only ones to actually take a full spill on the ice, thanks in large part to our inherited levels of coordination (for the record Pat fell twice, I only fell once).

After surviving these early challenges, however, we all got the hang of it pretty quickly and that’s when things got competitive. In fact, rounds 2 through 5 were hotly contested and, much to Terry’s excitement, we even had to utilize the specially calibrated measuring tool to review one call. Everyone’s aim and touch improved greatly as the game progressed, to the point where most of the stones were left in play by the end of the later rounds and it became much more difficult to accurately place them in the target circles. This added challenge only enhanced the excitement of the game as we painstakingly positioned our shots in and around the other stones scattered across the ice. Defensive strategy also came into play at this point by aiming for the other team’s stones in an attempt to knock them from scoring position or completely out of play.

However, despite all this fun and excitement, the contest quickly turned one-sided after the fifth round. Team Friends pulled ahead and never looked back as they laid down a well-rounded thumping on Team Godwin. I have no reasonable excuse for our poor showing aside from one little conspiracy theory: Gene is married to a Canadian. That’s right, by marrying Yvonne, Gene somehow gave his team a decided advantage before the game even began. I’ll be sure to take this into consideration the next time we play.

Overall, my first curling experience was truly incredible. I think I can speak for all involved when I say we had a ton of fun and can’t wait to try it again. Unfortunately, curling is a seasonal sport and we are quickly approaching the end of winter. Niagara Falls Curling Club with be closing its doors in just a few weeks and they will not reopen until October. Despite all that fun, however, I have no problem waiting out a long, hot summer. We’ll get a rematch eventually.

POP CULTURE UPDATE

Listening to: Kanye West - 808s and Heartbreaks
Reading: Redemption Song: The Ballad of Joe Strummer
Recently Watched: Some Like it Hot

The price we pay for civilization...

Week Thirteen:Do My Taxes

"The hardest thing in the world to understand is the income tax" - Albert Einstein

I consider myself to be reasonably knowledgeable when it comes to personal finance. I’m no J.P. Morgan but I’m economically aware to the point that I keep a balanced checkbook, I have both an IRA and a 401k and I usually make sound personal economic decisions. I’m not an impulse buyer, I pack my lunch for work everyday and I’ve even limited my Tim Horton’s intake to once or twice a week. However, despite my level of fiscal responsibility, once any technical aspects of economics are brought up my brain quickly wanders to NFL free agency, what I’m having for dinner or any other random thought that floats through.

I’ve always wanted to have a greater knowledge of the principles and functions of economics because it seems pretty useful. In fact, I often think if I had to start over again I’d major in economics or finance during college instead of education. I realize life currently isn’t so great for all the bankers in the world but my education degree isn’t very useful right now either. At least I’d have a better idea of what to do with my money and how to make it grow (maybe).

Therefore, preparing my own taxes this year is a step towards a more advanced understanding of the economic system. I figure this can only be a good thing. I’m not setting out to be a world renowned economist but I should be knowledgeable enough to research and execute larger economic decisions in my life from mortgages to investments to eventually helping my children finance their educations (I could have really used that kind of guidance). So hopefully this will be the first step on a learning journey to the fascinating world of finance.

* * *

When I first started working I was around seventeen years old and my mother volunteered to do my taxes. This continued each year through high school and college since I was only working part time and it was relatively easy. (This isn’t a knock against my mother. She did an excellent job but she’s no accountant.) However, after finishing college my finances became a little more complicated as I was substitute teaching at several different schools while maintaining my part-time position at the car dealership for weekends and summers.

In addition to having multiple sources of income every year, I was also able to deduct educator expenses, student loans and various other random expenditures. Hence, I required a more experienced person to manipulate and calculate all those fun little figures into the most beneficial way possible. Thankfully though, Jackie’s mother works for a bank and is therefore rather adept at crunching numbers. Once again, I had an easy (and free) option for processing my taxes.

To illustrate how complicated my finances were during this period I’ll tell you about 2007. I was a substitute teacher in two different districts, was employed by three different schools, received unemployment for a couple of months and I eventually got hired at my current job (in no particular order). That means I had SEVEN different W-2 forms mailed to me at the end of 2007 and that doesn’t include an IRA rollover and all those other little complications previously mentioned. Not fun.

However, this year was a different story. I only had one source of income, being of course my current job, and no other finances or investment distribution to muddle things up. Therefore, when I thought of combining my desire for economic knowledge with an experience for 52to30, I realized this was a perfect opportunity to do my own taxes for the first time. I’d be exposed to the fundamentals of the process with minimal obstacles outside of its standard level of confusion. So after I received all the necessary information I just had to find the time and motivation to actually sit down and start the process.

I decided to begin with my federal taxes, so with my W-2, 1040 Form (with instructions) and a considerable amount of optimistic confidence, I set out on my adventure. At first I though I would read the instruction booklet from the beginning but quickly realized this was both unnecessary and confusing. So rather than intimidate myself out of the process I decided to jump right in and start filling out the 1040 form – the rough draft version, of course. Once I got started, the instructions were actually very helpful as each line on the form is explained in varying levels of detail. A few of the more vaguely worded entries required further research but, like I was taking a test, I filled in what I knew then came back for the tough parts.

After a few minutes I felt like I was jamming right along but soon realized I had been lulled into a false sense of ease. This process takes you from step to step in such a roundabout way, I felt like a juggler not knowing if I was grabbing at the bowling pin or the chainsaw. There were so many things being thrown in the air, if I lost focus for a second they would all come crashing down and I’d have to start all over again. (Side note: I really hated the Logic portion of tenth grade math but I’ve since realized its purpose. It’s like brain exercise. “If P and Q then R” suddenly seems pretty useful. Sorry Mrs. Johnston.)

So after a few missteps that had me swearing and gritting my teeth out of frustration, I eventually reached the second page of the 1040 form, which seems a little easier or at least less intimidating. Down the homestretch, the most difficult parts were figuring out if I’m eligible for the Alternative Tax Credit (I’m not) and whether I can claim my 401k contributions (I can’t). So after a few final computations I finally wound up with my refund amount. Unfortunately, it wasn’t quite what I was hoping for but at least I was in the positive. I’ll take what I can get at this point.

After this exhaustive process I decided to put off my state taxes until the next day. When the time came to do these, however, I felt much more confident since I had already handled my federal taxes successfully. Also, for some reason, state taxes always seem like they’re easier to process than federal. Maybe because they’re usually done second and you’re already warmed up, who knows.

But whatever the reason, it totally played itself out in this scenario. I whipped through those state taxes no problem. There were a few minor hiccups but since I already knew all of the confused wording and where to find the necessary information I finished them in half the time and about a quarter of the frustration. That was until the very end when I saw what I was left with. In the grand tradition of the wonderful state of New York, I actually have to pay them - quite a bit, too. Damn taxes!

Therefore, since I was thoroughly disappointed with the outcome of both my state and federal taxes (as well as in my own self-interest) I will be getting a second opinion. I’m going to have Jackie’s mother double check my work and hopefully find some errors or deductions I missed to give me a more favorable result. I’m sorry if I’m disappointing anyone out there if you think I’m no longer doing this myself but quite honestly, the last thing I want to do is leave money on the table. As they say in the hood, “I’ma get mine.” Wish me luck.

POP CULTURE UPDATE

Listening to: Sirius 22 – First Wave (I love 80s new wave way too much)
Reading: Redemption Song: The Ballad of Joe Strummer
Recently Watched: 30 Rock (The best show on TV. Just hilarious.)