Now we're cooking...

Week Six:Make Dinner(s)

I have never prepared a full meal in my entire life. I realize this sounds a little strange but to a point it’s true. To be totally honest, on those rare occasions when I’m forced to fend for myself I don’t go to bed hungry. I can always fall back on heating up some Chunky soup or just boiling noodles and adding sauce. Mighty Taco is also a reliable option when I’m feeling particularly lazy. However, in terms of a fully prepared meal, consisting of several ingredients added together at various times depending on temperature - that has never happened.

I’ve always liked the idea of preparing an impressive meal or at least having the ability to do so. I have no desire of becoming a master chef and I’m not the type that regularly watches the Food Network - at least not voluntarily. But as a man, I think it’s important to be able to hold your own in the kitchen for various reasons.

First, in terms of health and economics, a home-cooked meal is almost always a better choice than dining out. I think I can speak for all of us when I say we should be saving both money and calories any chance we can get. Second, it’s a sure fire way to impress the ladies when you invite them over to your place for dinner and drinks. I imagine a man that knows how to handle himself in the kitchen would be appealing to any woman. Similarly, for all you guys that are already married or otherwise attached (myself included), at the very least you can give your special lady a break and make dinner once in a while. Trust me, she’ll be blown away and it could yield some pretty nice dividends.

In addition to the benefits involved, preparing a complicated dish seems like it would be a lot fun. As a fan of Harry Potter, I always liken it to Potions class at Hogwarts (stay with me here). You have to be very precise in preparing all the ingredients and combining them at exactly the right time for the recipe to be successful. Then, with each experience, you learn little tricks and try different combinations to enhance the potency of various flavors and personalize your “potions.” Forgive my nerdiness but I think it’s a pretty effective analogy. Maybe I should have said I was a scientist in a lab or something but I’m just being honest.

Now, the most obvious explanation for my personal lack of culinary experience is that I’ve been spoiled. Growing up my mother always had a decent dinner prepared. Every night she had a main dish with a couple of sides and the whole family would sit together to eat dinner. I know this might seem like quite a task, especially with five kids to feed, but she always made it happen. Even when my brothers and I were into our teens and it was such a hassle to make it home at a specified time for dinner, we could always depend on Mom to have a delicious meal waiting at home. Despite the hassle, we made it more often than not.

More recently I’ve come to rely on Jackie in much the same way. When I get out of work every night, dinner is almost ready and I just have to help Jackie with plates, drinks and maybe putting together a salad. For the most part, however, she’s already taken care of the real work involved and I just show up in time to enjoy the meal. Very manly, right? But don’t think for a second that I don’t realize how pathetic this all sounds. I mean a grown man should have some sort of ability to prepare a real meal.

Therefore, my adventure this week is more than a just a one time deal. Instead, as a means of diversifying the experience and learning as much as I can, I will be preparing dinner for several people over the course of five days. The participants in this adventure are myself, Jackie, my parents and my younger sister Jennifer, when she feels like joining us. Of course, when she decides at the last minute, I finally realize how my mother felt all those times I couldn’t give her a straight answer on whether or not I’d be home for dinner.

Weeks of research provided five vastly different recipes spanning various points on the culinary spectrum, but all relatively healthy options. Naturally I had to have some pizza, a chicken dish and since it’s so damn cold, a nice hearty soup. Also, I have to thank Michael of Nickel City Brewing fame for introducing me to the Chipotle Bacon Mac n’ Cheese recipe. My menu for the week, along with a brief description of each experience, is listed below.

Bon appetit!

Sunday – Sweet and Sour Meatloaf with Oven-Roasted Potato Wedges

This was moderately simple dish to prepare with impressive results. It’s a turkey meatloaf with a homemade sweet and sour glaze on top. Very tasty and it’s easy to just combine a bunch of ingredients and throw them in the oven. Besides cutting the potatoes, the most difficult part of this meal was dodging the avalanche of pots and pans pouring from all of my mother’s cupboards.

Monday – Chicken Milano with a Side Salad

Holy Crap! Preparing chicken from scratch is such a pain in the ass! Ok, not totally from scratch. No beheading or plucking but I can’t imagine that being much more difficult than wrestling with slimy, raw chicken to cut off all the fatty and otherwise gross pieces. But I digress. Besides the chicken this process was relatively smooth. Pieces of chicken breast in a delicious tomato sauce made with garlic, onion, mushroom and various spices served over brown rice. This ended up being worth the hassle of cutting up the chicken. But just barely.

Tuesday – Black and Blue Steak Pizza

This recipe was originally supposed to be made with Roquefort cheese but after realizing how outrageously expensive that stuff is we had to improvise (Jackie helped). We were left with a delicious steak, mozzarella and bleu cheese pizza with a homemade onion marmalade sauce. It was pretty fantastic. Plus after Monday’s preparation this recipe was a breeze.

Wednesday – Chipotle Bacon Mac n’ Cheese

This dish was totally mindblowing! A homemade macaroni and cheese bake with cheddar and bleu cheese baked in and an incredible sauce made with Velveeta, onions, garlic, milk and chipotle peppers. Words can’t describe how delicious this was. Just invite me to a party and ask me to bring it along.

Thursday – Caramelized Onion and Sweet Potato Soup

I knew things were turning out a little too well. This was my only real misstep through the whole experience. The soup wasn’t bad it was just a little too sweet. Also, the original recipe left me with a bunch of onions and sweet potato cubes floating in chicken broth, so I pureed it for a much smoother consistency. After all, I like the taste of onions but I’m not wild about them in their natural form due to their resemblance to tapeworms. If I were to make this dish again I would cut out the added sugar as the sweet potatoes and onions provide enough sweetness. Decent but not great.

Final Assessment – This was an exhaustively satisfying experience. As we sat down to enjoy each meal I couldn’t help but feel a sense of accomplishment, especially since they all looked so fantastic (presentation is very important!). However, the actual preparation of each meal continually fluctuated between enjoyment and frustration. The worst part of the whole experience was the preparation of all the ingredients. I never realized how long it takes to cut, chop, dice, clove, cleave, etc, etc. Since I wasn’t expecting this process to be so challenging I grossly underestimated the amount of time I would need for each meal. I just need more experience to be able to accomplish these tasks with a little more speed and, consequently, less frustration.

However, once that stuff was out of the way, the mixing, stirring and combining of everything was actually pretty fun, just seeing the dish really start to take shape, both literally and figuratively. Then when the final product is in front of you and it looks and smells delicious, it’s an awesome feeling. But I’d have to say the most rewarding part of all was the knowledge that people were enjoying the fruits of my labor. Appreciation is always nice.

After this whole experience, I don’t expect to be the primary chef in the family. I mean, it was a definite success and I was able to avoid any major disasters, but you don’t make Frank Reich the starter just because he won a few games - especially when Jim Kelly is on the sideline, healthy and ready to go. Overall though, I’m happy just knowing that I’m capable of preparing a full, delicious meal and I look forward to trying new recipes in the future. I had no idea learning basic life skills could be so enjoyable.

* Please feel free to contact me if you’re interested in any of the recipes.

LISTENING TO : Pearl Jam (Favorite band since '92. Holding strong!)

READING : Too Fat to Fish by Artie Lange

RECENT MOVIE : Pineapple Express (Way better than I expected. Belly laughs throughout. I’ve never smoked weed in my life but I love weed humor. Go figure)